Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
