Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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