Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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