What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
