I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize