If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
false alarm. still invincible.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
