Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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