i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
