So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pop tarts are not kleenex
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
