It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
