Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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