Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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