A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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