what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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