Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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