i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize