They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
