if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
