Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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