I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
