He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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