Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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