There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize