you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
