Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
