im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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