New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
