I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
