i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
