this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
