Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
