We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
