did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
