when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
