I wanna bring you to show and tell
My hand turned me down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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