cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
