I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize