can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
