ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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