does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
