I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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