Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
