We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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