nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
