I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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