I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
how drunk are you?
Several
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
