Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
