Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
