Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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