i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
