super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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