I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
