Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
