Pappa wants mamma naked
I bet he comes in French.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
