ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Walk of Shame today included voting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
