you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
