I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm at about main and main street
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
