i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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