I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
