I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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