Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
