Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize