Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
