His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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