Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
